


between the lines

by oofen_flugen



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Character Study, Introspection, M/M, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Okumura Eiji's Letter, Too Many Metaphors, any eiji i write will always be the most poetic bastard, brief mention of rape non con, eiji just loves ash guys, its banana fish, of course its there /hj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:13:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oofen_flugen/pseuds/oofen_flugen
Summary: Eiji had written Ash his letter.These were the words left unsaid.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Kudos: 15





	between the lines

**_ Dear Ash _ **

Dear Aslan,

Dear the stupid American who won’t come to the hospital,

Dear the lynx,

Dear the devil,

Dear everything in between,

Dear...

**_ Ash — _ **

**_ I’m worried to death because I haven’t been able to see you doing well. _ **

I don’t think it would stop at death. Even if my heart gave out in this stupid hospital, even if the equipment on the wall couldn’t bring me back, I’d still be worried about you. You were never religious, but I couldn’t help but stare at your sparkling eyes when I talked about the Japanese gods. You seemed so enthralled with them. I couldn’t help but stare when I saw your lips move ever so slightly at each attack. I never knew if you were praying or not. Was divinity such a strange concept to you? How much had you been conditioned to worship power in fear of divine wrath? 

**_ You said we live in different worlds. But is that true? _ **

**_ We have different colored skin and eyes. We were born in different countries. _ **

**_ But we’re friends. Isn’t that what counts? _ **

Sure, you would scoff at the Japanese food I made, but the leftovers would always be gone before I could open the fridge again. You asked what every dish was and pouted when the syllables didn’t flow across your lips the same way. We have different colored skin and eyes. I’ve always thought the divide was more than that. Some nights I wish I could take away your jade eyes. They were a lighthouse to those around you, and every night I heard you toss and turn and gasp when your eyes opened. I wished I could take them away. Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt. You would have been safe. Wishful thinking, I know. You called me out on it all the time. 

**_ I’m really glad I came to America. I met lots of people. _ **

**_ And more than anything, I met you. _ **

I wish I could say I hated this country. I have plenty of reasons to, but denying this place would denying you. I’d deal with the gunshots, street fighting, and all of it over and over again because I met you. I always wondered if I was a burden. I doubt I’ll ever truly erase that feeling. But, when I was with you, it was hard to care. You made me happy, Aslan. I’ve felt the greatest fear, sadness, and anger since I’ve met you, but I never knew I could be this happy. The mere existence of you is enough. People were drawn to you like a lighthouse- hungry for an ounce of golden light and hospitality for the night- and I hate that I feel the same force pulling me towards you. Ibe-san was furious every time I dismissed him and ran away. I was so used to listening and following along, but it didn’t even occur to me when it came to you.

**_ You asked me over and over if you scared me. But I never feared you, not once. _ **

**_ What’s more, is you’re hurt much more than me. I couldn’t help feeling that way. _ **

**_ Funny, huh? _ **

I never feared you. I couldn’t. The gunshots would make me flinch and, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over that. The scowls and twisted smiles of everyone you faced made me want to cower in fear behind you, but I desperately wanted to be your knight in shining armor. If the guns had been exchanged with javelins maybe, I could have saved you all those times. You were hurt and still are- I know that’s part of the reason you won’t come see me. I’m not mad. I would never be mad- never will be mad. Because part of me is terrified of seeing you again. Once everything is over - when Dino is gone and when banana fish was nothing more than a short story - I wonder what will be left. 

I can’t help but daydream when you can just be Ash. Not Ash Lynx. Not the heir and not a prize. 

**_ You’re way smarter, bigger, and stronger than me. But I always felt like I had to protect you. I wonder what it is I wanted to protect you from. _ **

Was it Arthur? Dino? Yut-Lung? Yourself? 

**_ I wanted to protect you from fate. _ **

Although I’m not sure fate and yourself are completely separate. 

**_ The fate that tries to carry you away, drifting further and further. _ **

**_ You told me once about a leopard you read in a book. How you believed that leopard knew that it couldn’t go back. _ **

**_ And I said you weren’t a leopard, that you could change your destiny. _ **

The biggest threat to wildlife is habitat destruction - forest fires and timber and new apartment complexes. I wish a baseball game didn’t do the same to you. I wish Cape Cod wasn’t an expanse of land once covered with life and reduced to open fields and a view of the water. You tried to connect with your home. You read Griffin’s letters and walked through the restaurant. You stared at the fields and watched the sunrise, but your gaze always drifted towards the water. If you were a lighthouse, you also controlled the raging sea. It was so calm with solitude. I have no power over forest fires, but if you would just let me, I’d replant every tree that burned down. Maybe then you could survive somewhere other than a zoo.

You said the city was your home. I never liked the city before I met you. I said you could change your destiny. I still believe that, but mountain tops are large places that reach close enough to the heavens. I will never leave you stranded, even if it means frost chips at my fingers.

**_ You’re not alone. I’m by your side. _ **

I will always be by your side, so please, Aslan, just this once, stay. 

**_ My soul is always with you. _ **

I love you. 

**_ — Eiji Okumura _ **

I refuse to say goodbye again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading! <3


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